Excerpt 5.26.15 | Stop growing, okay Milo?

Milo, you are such a big boy! You are sitting unaided for longer stretches of time and joining us in the high chair at the dinner table. Last weekend at Target, you sat not in your car seat but in the buckle seats next to Alice, dreamily watching the aisles go by and happily reaching for anything that your outstretched hand could brush against. We now leave the car seat in the car and packed the bumbo away. Not common or even celebrated milestones, but I think they're bigger than "Your First Bath!" or "Your First Tooth!" You're growing up and you're capable. You sit on your own! You are really participating in this world around you.

Last night the clock read 12:49. It was dark. You were warm, the back of your neck a little sweaty from laying in my arms. I just finished giving you your midnight milk and enjoying a good cuddle. I was poised to lay you in your crib when I looked down at your sweet slumbering form, dead weight in my arms. Your lips were wet. Your gentle snore was quiet. Your footie-pajama feet were dangling over my right forearm. And then I thought you just keep growing. You just keep getting bigger. You're going to be a great big man someday. Even sooner, you'll be a kid and you won't fit so perfectly in my arms. (You're the perfect size right now - a good, solid weight and mass to carry that can lift his own head and hold on to me if I need to carry you one-armed.) For the moment, I held you a little longer, standing next to your crib, staring at your features by the dim glow of the wipe warmer. Slow down, okay Milo? Don't rush into all those teeth and long legs. Just be my baby boy a while longer. I'm not ready for you to grow up yet. Sure, I'm excited to see you become a gentleman and hear you say things like "Mama, would you read me a story?" but for now I just want you to stay this warm, heavy little bundle who needs me to go places and to eat and to show you the world. I want to keep your gummy smiles and winsome ways and innocent, genuine heart. Milo, I just love you so much I think my heart could burst. I'm so glad you're ours. 

xoxo

Mama